Professional Help

I know that a list of all the crap cluttering my mind and life isn't a solution. So, on the advice of my husband, I'm meeting with a professional organizer tomorrow morning to get an estimate on some help getting my life in some sort of order.

I'm completely embarrassed to have someone come in and see all of my clutter and mess. I thought that I should clean it all up before she comes, but (a) that's unrealistic and (b) the whole point is to figure out how to keep up with things. If I do a stash-and-dash clean up, that doesn't help her to help me create realistic routines. And even more embarrassing than the state of the house is just the fact that I need professional help with this. I'm a GREAT organizer--I can create systems, purge ruthlessly, set up routines--as long as it's for someone else. For my own mess, I wander around in circles.

Is this normal? Are most people better at doing for others than they are doing for themselves? Why don't we use our talents to help ourselves? I'm a great cook, but do I make nice meals for my family? Um, not usually. I'm a very creative person with a HUGE stash of craft supplies, but how long has it been since I created anything? Forever. This is depressing me--why do I save the best of myself for other people? I need to learn to shine my light on myself and my immediate family rather than saving it for others.

Hopefully tomorrow the organizer will set me on the right path.

Dang, 30 Days Down Already

So I started this blog at the beginning of May, and it's the end already. That feels like my life lately. Everything moves so fast that I don't have a chance to process. Ellie (my youngest) is turning two in two weeks and, cliché or not, it seems like yesterday that she was born. My oldest turns five this fall and will start kindergarten next year. My memory is imprinted with so much from high school, college, old jobs, but the last two years seems to be a complete blur. Is it just having that second child that took me from semi- maybe- sort-of- on top of things to so totally behind on everything that I can't do anything but race from fire to fire?

I need to have a better handle on my life. I know that the first thing I need to do is a brain dump, just a list of everything going on that I need to deal with. So let's start:

* Finish dealing with the cat litter "situation" in the basement
* Go through stuff in the basement and decide what to sell
* Clean out garage so that there's a place to store garage sale stuff
* Pick a date for the sale & contact friends & neighbors to see about a multi-family sale
* Set up an ad on Craig's List for sale
* Make signs for sale
* Finish planning for Ellie's party
* Mow lawn
* Get garden in
* Make Ellie's birthday cake
* Buy food & drink for party
* Buy stamps (1 & 2 cent)
* Package and mail gift to Robert & Rick
* Think about a trip to Cincinnati this summer (August?)
* Figure out what the heck to do with the back hallway
* Paint the back hallway
* Paint the vestibule
* Fix the table in the vestibule (add legs?)
* Organize utility closet
* Organize pantry
* Organize kitchen cupboards
* Create storage place in the basement for rarely used dishes/china/etc
* Put Flor tiles down in back hallway landing
* Have new cabinet front cut for slide-out cabinet; paint & install
* Get the damn freezer door & drawer fixed
* Clean out fridge
* Create home office on island top
* Create new snack station on back countertop
* Move some of the girls' games & our games to bookcases
* Replace window treatments in family room
* Paint trim throughout the house
* Buy two additional chairs for the black table
* Replace the table with something else?!
* Replace ceiling fan in family room
* Frame print for family room mantel
* Move photos out of family room corner & hang additional pictures
* Recover bench cushion in family room
* Fix toy kitchen countertop
* Move random furniture out of dining room
* Figure out better use of space in the living room
* Hang artwork in the dining room & library
* Fix powder room sink
* Sew new skirt for powder room sink
* Paint powder room
* Put gate in French door
* Fix front hallway wall damage
* Reinstall gate in front hallway or replace with pressure-mount gate
* Clean stairwell/hallway carpeting
* Clean ceiling above downstairs and upstairs hallway light fixtures
* Figure out door/window/gate situation in Chris' office
* Finish household filing & move filing cabinet from Ellie's closet
* Reconfigure Ellie's closet to hold both her clothes & our dress clothes
* Clean Maddie's room!
* Paint master bedroom
* Buy painting for over our bed
* Clean out laundry vents
* Catch up on laundry
* Reconfigure shelving in the laundry closet
* Recaulk tub
* Reattach radiator cover in bathroom
* Fix soap holder & towel bar in tub
* Repaint towel bar rod
* Replace hook unit in bathroom with a better one
* Create a better solution for drycleaning & shirts
* Fix Chris' dresser drawer
* Fix Ellie's chifferobe cabinet
* Rethink Maddie's chifferobe
* Third floor!
* Organize craft supplies
* Organize work space
* Organize eaves storage
* Make the 3rd floor bathroom less sterile
* Hang art in 3rd floor
* Think about 3rd floor window treatments
* Living room bay window repairs
* Repair lightbulb situation in living room arc lamp
* Think about landscaping issues (front walkway, retaining wall, ground cover)

Okay, this is a huge-ass list and some of the items are long-term projects, but sadly I know it's not even everything that I have to do. Next step is to separate the list into categories and then prioritize.

Chris has suggested (insisted) that I hire a professional organizer to help me get my shit together. On the one hand, I feel like I'm somehow failing. On the other, the load is getting too damn heavy for me right now.

I have a 2,800sqft house, two children under the age of 5, a husband who works 10-12hr/day, a business that I want to grow, and a really sad lack of me-time and/or socializing with others. Something has really got to give.

184 Days to 40

So, as the name of the blog--and the post--implies, in 184 days (or six months), I will be 40. On the one hand, I realize that nothing will actually change on November 1, but metaphorically I feel like if I haven't figured out how to be an adult by the time I'm 40, I really don't think I ever will. By writing here and trying to work through a lot of the issues/questions I have right now, I'm hoping that I'll greet November 1 with enthusiasm instead of a vague sense of disappointment in myself.